This year the theme for International Women's Day is about embracing equity. I reflected back on my post from last year about the progress that has been made towards equality of opportunity over the generations within my own family. There was no option of a career for my grandmother, my mother had to take years out to raise me and my brother whilst I have been lucky to have been able to take maternity leave and continue working.
That said, there has been an element of playing catch-up with the support system throughout this journey of progress. When women started working they did it with little or no practical support at home. They also did it without any maternity leave and rights. Whilst both of these things are in a better place today, many women still take on more than their fair share at work and at home. There may be equal opportunities, but is there equity? And why not?
Say goodbye to Superwoman
The legacy left from the generations of women who have had to "do it all" while working, many of us feel a sense that we need to continue to "do it all" in order to "have it all" - be a Superwoman. This means that women find it hard to say no and even harder to ask for help.
This is very different from the stereotype of a successful man, who succeeds through leading - with those around him at work and at home playing their parts (leaving plenty of time to play golf...). Back in feminist movement of the 1970's the phrase "behind every great man there stands a great woman" was coined. This evolved the picture of a successful man to one that was also supported at home. Whilst these days, many couples, parents support one another at home and work in partnership. The stereotypes are still there though.
We need a new stereotype to promoting supported successful women to balance and integrate their careers with everything else that is important to them. It is time to say goodbye to Superwoman....
Promoting and supporting balance - from equality to equity
As well as maternity leave, shared paternity leave and pay, there is also now the right to request to work flexibly. There is a practice of considering and granting part-time and flexible working which are both now very common particularly amongst working parents. These policies and practices mean that there is better equality of opportunity. The challenge is now in ensuring that the demands of the job reduce with shorter hours to ensure that flexibility is provided in practice and not just on paper. An open and trusting culture is also needed in which people feel that they can ask for support without missing out on opportunities. There is nothing better than seeing it played out in practice - for example, senior leaders setting clear boundaries for themselves and modelling this for those around them to see. Creating a culture that lives and breaths flexibility, not just on paper but in practice, would help women to set their own boundaries, learn to say no, and feel supported by those around them to ask for help. Women getting the support that they need to be able to achieve in their careers in a balanced way - closing the gap.
What about at home? Compared to years ago, where the family structure enables it, the general consensus is that there is more sharing of practical tasks at home. There is one area that is still typically shared out less evenly.... and that is what is often referred to as the mental load. It is essentially like being the project manager of family life - organising the social calendar, remembering birthdays, making sure there is food to eat and for those of us with children, school activities, holiday camps, after school clubs etc. etc. the list feels endless. Typically, though not always, women take on the brunt of this role. It is time consuming, exhausting and totally invisible to anyone not doing it!
Managing the Mental Load
Firstly, just to say like most of the things I write about, I don't claim to be any kind of expert on this, I get by most weeks, just about... and often forget to send the children into school or nursery in the right fancy dress. With small steps, I try to reduce the load, by thinking of ways to make the organisation less of a mental burden and release some headspace for other things. Here are a few tips I have picked up in case they are helpful....
1) Accept that it is a job
When it comes to the admin of running life at home, many of us just try and get it done. In doing this, we ourselves don't stop to recognise the extent of what is being done and managed. This means we don't see what we've done as progress or achievement which stops us feeling any sort of sense of fulfillment for managing it. Acknowledge it for what it is, talk about it - make it less invisible.
2) Put some practical tools in place
One year my husband put together a list on a spreadsheet of all the family and friends birthdays. Simple, practical and quick to do and it had a big impact - now I just look over my shoulder to work out what cards to buy and when to post them. Little things that save you time and headspace can make a difference.
3) Delegate of workstreams
The trouble with delegation of jobs is that you keep the organisation and planning component which is the part that adds to the mental load. If you look at the package of the family life project, there are likely areas you can group together and potentially in work project terms, turn into a workstream and delegate it. There are two benefits - it gets rid of the mental load of that area of home life and also stops the irritation that comes with asking someone to do individual tasks (which more often than not feels like you are asking for favours).
4) Take a regular Time Out
This is not like a family holiday - as for that you have to pack, plan activities and generally sort out things out for other people. This is a day a week or a month where you just get away from anything related to your mental load. Total mental rest and headspace. Organise what you need to beforehand or leave it until the day after.
5) Last but not least - don't be hard on yourself
It is a long to-do list and a lot of juggling and problem-solving for an invisible additional job. We all get it wrong sometimes - be gentle and kind to yourself.
The redefined image of a successful woman needs a support system - friends, family, colleagues, community so that we can help one another to "have it all" together.
Something to read...
Work Like a Woman - Mary Portas
This is about Mary Portas lived experience of working her way up the ladder in an alpha male work culture. She describes how she had to adapt to survive and progress and how she took what she learnt to lead authentically and with empathy when she launched her own business. It is very open, honest with plenty of humour.
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